


Oh So Merlin's Very Much Not Dead And Also Immortal And One Of My Closest Friends That's Wait What

by SwaggerDownTheStreet



Series: I Just Wanted To Ward Off Boredom Why Is Destiny Out To Get Me [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Merlin (TV)
Genre: A Reveal of Sorts, Age Regression, Book 3: Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Crack, Crack Masquerading as a Serious Fic, Crack Taken Seriously, Fix-It, Gen, Hermione Has An Aneurysm Because of Merlin Is DEAD I Tell You, Humor, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Immortal Merlin, Merlin being Merlin, One-Shot, but he's not dead, just one scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-31
Updated: 2020-03-31
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:01:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23334289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SwaggerDownTheStreet/pseuds/SwaggerDownTheStreet
Summary: In which Merlin got bored, went to Hogwarts as a student, and just so happened to get mixed up with the Golden Trio. Then in their third year, they find out that he's actuallytheMerlin and not justaMerlin. It's quite funny.*Not required to have watched Merlin to understand and/or enjoy*
Series: I Just Wanted To Ward Off Boredom Why Is Destiny Out To Get Me [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1687600
Comments: 13
Kudos: 419





	Oh So Merlin's Very Much Not Dead And Also Immortal And One Of My Closest Friends That's Wait What

**Author's Note:**

> It's just the reveal scene. I have literally nothing else written in this universe because sometimes there's just that one scene you want to read and I couldn't find it anywhere.
> 
> If anyone has any ideas, I may/may not turn this into a series of one-shots just within this universe. But I just wanted to write this specific scene and so here we are.

In Merlin's defence, waiting several centuries for somebody would make _anyone_ bored. After all he'd done, he deserved a bit of fun now and then.

What he hadn't meant to do was get mixed up in the happenings of another blasted prophecy.

He had gone to King's Cross station on the first of September. He'd pretended he had a last name (he didn't, actually -- surnames were primarily used in noble families in Merlin's time) and that he actually had a family (he didn't -- Hunith and Balinor were both dead). He'd had to de-age himself, which wasn't actually too hard.

He'd looked like just another skinny, black-haired boy who was going to Hogwarts his first time. It wasn't his first time, of course, but nobody had to know that.

He had found the first compartment that had someone his age -- well, the age he was pretending to be, anyway -- and he'd sat down and introduced himself to another skinny, black-haired boy. That was how he met Harry Potter.

Harry Potter was the subject of the other blasted prophecy.

Merlin had recognized his name -- he liked to keep up with the modern wizarding world, after all. But he didn't expect this quiet boy to like being recognized, so he didn't mention it.

Then Ron Weasley had come in, asking for a seat. Harry was apparently welcome to it, and Merlin didn't mind. So Ron joined their little group.

Ron had, predictably, laughed at Merlin's name, thinking he'd been named for high expectations and not the small falcon that was Merlin's namesake.

Then Merlin had been sorted into Slytherin. Which wouldn't have been a problem, maybe a century back, but apparently, modern times come with modern prejudices, and Ron and Harry, sorted into Gryffindor -- Slytherin's so-called "rival" -- had become a bit standoff-ish toward him, Ron moreso than Harry.

Then Halloween had come by and Merlin helped them, along with Hermione Granger, to knock out a mountain troll's brains. (He could have atomized it with a blink of an eye, but he was _trying_ to keep his immortality a _secret_ ).

Then they had to solve the puzzle of Fluffy the three-headed dog, Nicolas Flamel, and the philosopher's stone. Which of course lead them to a fantastic chess match, a riddle, and an epic battle with the self-proclaimed Dark Lord himself.

Come second year, Merlin was invited to Ron's and went on a rescue mission in Arthur (!!!!!) Weasley's flying blue Ford Anglia. Then they went back to school and had to deal with the most dick-ish poser Merlin had ever had the displeasure to meet.

Then the attacks started. Harry started hearing voices -- Merlin heard them too, except he knew it was a snake -- and not long after was forced out of the figurative Parslemouth Closet against his will.

Cue another puzzle, which was sped along by Merlin's vast knowledge of magical creatures that he had accumulated over the past dozen centuries. They found the entrance to the famed Chamber of Secrets (a bathroom, Salazar, really) and Merlin opened it (Surprise! Merlin's also fluent in Parsletongue -- Salazar taught him!)

They killed the giant-ass medusa-stare snake. Merlin stabbed the diary (ew it's a horcrux -- better destroy it ASAP). Then they went back up the disgustingly grimy pipe -- thanks, Fawkes -- and brought Ginny back to her family and effectively saved the day.

Third year was where things started going from wonky to downright insane.

First, they had met Professor Remus Lupin on the Hogwarts Express. This was made awkward -- for Merlin, at least -- by the fact that Merlin had been to Hogwarts with the Marauders. 

Later on, Sirius had apparently betrayed James, which ironically lead directly to Voldemort's downfall. Merlin had vanished without a trace, as per his Keep Merlin's Immortality A Secret plan.

(He had returned to Hogwarts only a decade later, which, in hindsight, hadn't been the smartest thing he'd ever done.)

Fast-forward again to the Hogwarts Express Merlin's third year (his probably thirteenth third year, actually, ha ha don't judge him he was bored) and you get a very (one-sidedly) awkward train ride. Remus kept giving him odd looks, especially after he introduced himself as Merlin Emerson.

(He changed his fake surname each time -- including Emrys, Elm, Ealdor, and last time, Erickson (don't judge, he wasn't feeling very creative) -- but he kept the name Merlin, on the basis that it would he easier to answer to his own name. Besides, was it really so far-fetched to think that people in the wizarding world would name their kids after the most famous wizard of all time? Apparently.)

So, Remus was the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, which just meant that Merlin got to spend a year with a cloud of guilt he got to ignore. Guilt for leaving Remus alone when he needed a friend the most. Yes, Merlin was a perfectly terrible person.

The dementors had attacked the train, which had of course been a _very_ pleasant experience. You know, getting all the happiness sucked out of him, adding on even more guilt than he really needed, the works. He would have driven them off, but Remus knew his Patronus and would definitely recognize it -- a dragon, specifically Aithusa. Besides, Remus also knew the Patronus Charm, so Merlin wasn't needed.

Third year contained a murderer on the loose -- really, Sirius? Why are you like this? -- more dementors, Harry learning the Patronus Charm, Draco Malfoy being a git, hippogriffs, even more dementors, flobberworms, boggarts -- that was extremely unpleasant -- Quidditch, and, of course, dementors.

There was also the Map, which Merlin had choked at when Harry told them about it. He had helped with that, and he even had a tiny, drippingly sarcastic version of his own ersonality inside it, residing with those of Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs. That was a whole novel itself.

Then there was the whole Buckbeak ordeal. The hippogriff's trial and unjust execution had been awfully stressful, and Ron, Harry, and Hermione throwing around the word "execution" so often reminded him unpleasantly of Uther and his unsettling hobby of having any and all magic-users beheaded.

All that had lead directly to their current situation, which was standing in the Shrieking Shack, having followed Ron and a giant black dog -- hello, Sirius -- down that hole by the Whomping Willow. Because yes, after everything we've been through these past three years, let's all follow the big, scary dog down the dark, scary hole and into the old, scary, torn-apart house.

"This is going to lead us directly to Black," Merlin informed Harry and Hermione. "These things always work out like that. I should know."

"Shut up," Harry said.

"You know I'm right."

They went through the door into the obvious trap.

Ron was laying on a four-poster bed, groaning and pale from the pain of his broken leg. The three of them rushed over to him. Deeper into the obvious trap.

"It's Black--" Ron gasped. "The dog -- he's an -- animagus--"

The door slammed shut. Springing the obvious trap. Sirius Black was standing there, holding Ron's duct-taped wand.

The sight of the man made Merlin's cloud of guilt increase sharply to the point where he actually had to acknowledge it and even feel slightly sick. The man was gaunt and sallow-skinned. His eyes were sunken. He was obviously malnourished. His hair was matted and greasy, which contrasted horribly with Merlin's memories of a boy who thought his hair to be absolutely fabulous.

The boy had once reminded him of Gwaine. This man standing before him looked more like an animal, less than human and desperate for-- something. Desperate.

Hermione gasped. Harry stood stock still. Ron moaned on the bed.

"Hello," Merlin said, the idiot that he was. "I've heard you murdered thirteen people and apparently you want to kill Harry here, too, but I'm afraid it's not in any of _our_ interests to see him dead, so we've run into a bit of a problem here."

Sirius's eyes flicked to Melin. They narrowed. Merlin cursed himself mentally. "I know you..." Sirius said slowly. His voice was hoarse and grating from disuse. "Who are you...?"

Merlin blinked several times in the false hope that if he played the imbecile, he might get out of this confrontation. Hey, it worked on Arthur. "Are you talking to me?"

Sirius nodded slowly.

"Oh," He blinked once more and glanced around, hoping for someone to save him. "Well. I don't know you... so you must have known my... ah, second cousin. Or something. I guess." Wow, _smooth_ , Merlin. Real smooth. Granted, he hadn't had to deal with anything like this in quite a while. His life had gotten a bit quiet.

Sirius's hollow eyes glinted from their sockets. His gaze traced across Merlin, his green and silver scarf. Slytherin colors. In that specific way Merlin wore his scarves nowadays. Just _great_. Merlin, you are absolutely brilliant at planning ahead, great job. You idiot.

Merlin told the little voice in the back of his head -- which sounded suspiciously like one Arthur Pendragon -- to shut up. And no, he absolutely did _not_ acknowledge the fact that he might probably be going a bit nuts.

Recognition flashed in Sirius's sunken black eyes. His expression relaxed into a brilliant poker face. "Beaky," he said in a deadpan tone.

"What?" Harry expressed his confusion most intelligently.

Merlin sighed. He hadn't been addressed by that nickname for almost a decade and a half. He had, like the others, been nicknamed after his animagus form, which was -- surprise, surprise -- a Merlin.

"You've aged rather well," Sirius stated, as if they'd just met for their morning tea.

"Can't say the same for you, Padfoot."

" _What?_ " Harry repeated.

Merlin ran a hand through his dark hair. This wasn't going at all in a desired direction. "This isn't going to be a very speedy conversation, is it?"

"No," Sirius replied bluntly.

"Great."

"Will you explain what the hell is going on, Merlin?" Harry demanded.

"Ah." Merlin stared resolutely at a very interesting cobweb in the corner over there. "Well. That's the difficult part, isn't it?"

Then they heard footsteps in the house. Someone was coming. Yes, Merlin didn't have to explain himself after all, perfect.

His hopes were dashed, however, when Remus Lupin opened the door to the room. He blinked, taking in the scene before him. His eyes fell on Sirius. They stared at each other.

Ron, Harry and Hermione seemed relieved. Merlin's stomach just sank further into his shoes. Then Remus and Sirius hugged each other like the epic bros they were. Merlin sighed. The three Gryffindors' hopefulness immediately evaporated.

"Hello, Remus," Sirius said evenly after they stepped apart. "I was just asking _Merlin_ here to explain himself."

Remus turned to raise an eyebrow at a rather sheepish looking Merlin. The absurdity level in the room was slowly rising.

"Oh?" Remus replied. "And why is that?"

Sirius looked a bit surprised. "Can't you see?"

Remus looked at him. "I can see a student. Four, in fact."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "You know what I'm talking about."

There was a moment of silence in which Merlin prayed for a miracle. It didn't come. "Yes. Yes, I think I do. I thought I might have been imagining it."

"You weren't," Sirius assured him. "Not if you're thinking what I think you are."

Remus turned to Merlin. "Beaky?"

Merlin gave a tired sigh. "Moony," he replied, slightly strangled.

" _What?!_ " Harry demanded once more. "This is stupid!"

Merlin snorted. "You're right, it is. Three out of the five of us. All back where it started. Really stupid. Destiny sucks, let me tell you."

"This isn't destiny," Harry insisted.

"Ha." Merlin wished he would wake up. Preferrably all the way back in Camelot, before Morgana turned to the dark side. "Wouldn't that be nice."

He looked at Sirius. "Right, before I explain myself, why don't you? The government all say you're responsible for... for Harry's... situation, I guess. I don't believe it, but then what do I know?"

Sirius snarled lowly. "Give me the rat and I'll explain it."

That gave Merlin pause. "Wait, do you mean Scabbers?"

Sirius snorted. "That isn't his name."

"Yes it is," Ron grunted. "Percy named him."

"His name," Sirius insisted. "Is Peter."

Merlin's mouth fell open as about seventeen puzzle pieces clicked into place in his mind. "Fuck. You can't be serious."

Bad choice of words. Sirius grinned in an animalistic way. "Oh, I very much am. Same way that you're Merlin."

Merlin groaned loudly. "That got old about the thirtieth time. Not the point though. You can't actually be telling me that I've been near him for three years and haven't noticed."

Remus nodded. "He was on the Map."

"Great, let's end this fucking bitch," Merlin proposed.

Sirius grinned savagely. "I think I deserve that after thirteen years in Azkaban."

Merlin turned to Ron, who, along with Harry and Hermione, was staring open-mouthed at the three of them. "Do you mind handing the rat over, Ron?"

Ron backed away as best he could while on a bed with a broken leg. "You-- you're crazy."

"I'm not."

Remus sighed. "Maybe we should explain this to them first."

Merlin looked at him. "I've just learned the truth behind the death of one of my best friends. I don't think I very much want to."

"We owe them that much," Remus insisted. "Besides, you have some explaining to do yourself."

"Touché. Fine." Merlin turned back to Ron and held out a hand. "Ron, if you please, hand over the rat. I won't hurt him... yet... I'm just going to show the three of you something important. If we're wrong--" he gestured to himself, Remus, and Sirius-- "then nothing bad will happen and Scabbers will be fine."

There was a very tense and drawn-out moment of silence before Ron hesitantly pulled Scabbers out his pocket, squealing and trying desperately to flee, and handed him over to Merlin.

A few moments later, Peter Pettigrew stood in the middle of the Shrieking Shack once more.

Merlin scowled darkly as his newest suspicions were solidly confirmed. He looked at Remus. "Can I please just kill him now? We can explain later."

Remus gave him a piercing look. "No, Merlin." He turned back to Pettigrew. "Hello, Peter."

"Remus, my good friend!" Pettigrew squeaked frantically. "How good it is to see you again!"

Remus leveled a cold look at him. "I'm afraid your sentiments aren't returned in the slightest, Wormtail."

"I think I'm just going to die," Harry announced disbelievingly. "Who's next, my dad?" There was a very awkward pause. "Oh great fuck."

"You-- you said there was an explanation?" Hermione asked in a quivering voice. "I should hope it's a very good one."

"Yes," Sirius growled. "You can go first, Merlin. Try and give us an adequate explanation as to why you're back at Hogwarts and in a thirteen-year-old's body."

"See," Merlin began. "It's like this." Pause. "Fuck, where do I start.

"Okay, you might not believe me -- I probably wouldn't -- but I suppose I might as well put it bluntly: I'm Merlin."

"We know," Harry said. "That's not a very--"

"No no no no no," Merlin interrupted. "You don't understand. I'm _Merlin_."

Pause. Then Hermione said quietly. "Oh-- you're not serious."

Merlin really couldn't help himself. "I'm not, he is." He pointed at Sirius, perfectly poker faced. Sirius smirked.

"But--" Oh dear, Hermione was going to have an aneurysm at all the historical inaccuracies. "But that Merlin lived over a thousand years ago! He-- you-- _Merlin_ was the greatest wizard ever! He was responsible for the--"

"I'm gonna have to stop you there," Merlin said bluntly. "I don't feel the need to go over every historical inaccuracy there is, and anyway you'd probably wind up with your brains leaking out your ears."

"But what on earth are you doing at Hogwarts?!"

"Ah." Here comes Merlin Mockery Time. "Well. You get a bit bored after the first several centuries."

"So you're immortal," Remus deadpanned. "That wasn't something I really expected from one of my best friends, but alright."

Ron was more stubborn. "Prove it."

Merlin grinned. "Gladly." He handed Ron his wand. "Hold this, please. Thank you." He held his hands out, palms facing away from his body. "Look, no wand. You can all see that." Then his eyes flashed gold and the bed beside him lifted several inches off the ground. Merlin grinned. It wasn't even straining at all. The looks on the faces of all six of the people in the room with him were entirely worth it.

The bed touched the ground again and Ron winced at the pain in his leg.

"Oh, here." Merlin fixed his leg in just a few seconds, feeling slightly guilty that he hadn't done that earlier. Ron flexed his toes incredulously.

Merlin turned to Remus and Sirius. "Now that the five of you all know that one of your best friends is an immortal warlock and insanely piwerful, I'd rather like to know how you escaped Azkaban, Sirius, and how _you_ knew to come down here, Remus."

So they explained themselves, with their depressing stories, blah blah blah. Then Snivellus interrupted and was blown unconscious hehehe. Then Harry stopped them from blowing Pettigrew into smithereens. Which rather disappointed poor Merlin.

"Oh, come on, Harry," Merlin insisted. "I've killed dozens of people. I've lost even more than that. Can't I have my revenge for once?"

Harry, unfortunately, wasn't backing down.

Merlin sighed deeply. "Fine. Fine, leave poor Merlin to stew in his resentment. But mark my words, Wormtail, you're going to fucking _rot_ in Azkaban."

They made the long trek back up to the castle, dragging Peter and Snape along. Moony almost transformed into his wolfish self, but Merlin knew spells to prevent that and he took full advantage of them. He waved off Remus's thanks and insisted that he should have done that years ago.

Harry was informed that he actually had a legal guardian other than the Dursleys, and Sirius was informed that he would be having his good named cleared like it should have been twelve long years ago. Merlin was informed that he could stay in the figurative Immortal Closet as long as he liked.

At the castle, they stayed awake well into the night sorting things out. Peter in his human form, alive and actually not quite well, was all the proof they needed, and Merlin kept his charade that he was an ordinary student.

Things were turning out for the better.

"I feel bad for Hagrid, though," Hermione said sadly.

Merlin started. "Hermione," he asked. "Can I borrow your Timeturner?


End file.
